I’ve shared before how evangelism is not my strong point. It’s just not. I don’t have great stories of how I lead ‘x’ many people to the Lord or those chance encounters in the airport where someone was just “so ready to hear.”
Tonight was the last night for the first half of my Leadership class I’m taking with the Seminary Wives Institute. You know…the class that should have been called Women & Evangelism. The one where we had to hand out a track.
I didn’t do it.
I carried a few around in my wallet the whole six weeks. I saw them every time I was at the store or searching for my chapstick in the abyss that is my purse. They were always there…waiting.
Now, I’m not a fan of tracks. Sure they’re useful, concise, and get the message across. But in general they’re not really personable. And awkward. Here let me walk up to a complete stranger and say, “This little booklet contains the secret to the best thing that ever happened to me. I wanted you to have it. Bye.”
Umm…yeah.
It’s not that I don’t want to share what God has done in my life or see people saved. I struggle with fear and busyness, mostly fear. Will I say the right thing? Will the situation be so awkward they won’t even hear what I’m saying? Will they laugh at me? Will I fail?
That’s the real issue.
When you tell a recovering perfectionist that they need to share the Gospel as a graded assignment things can get a little crazy. Their {my} motivation will be the grade, pleasing the teacher or peers, looking good.
Now for me what makes this even worse is the feeling that I am already an evangelistic failure. I feel like if I don’t preach and share the Gospel then I won’t be following in the Great Commission, and even more disturbing to my heart I fear I won’t be honoring God for what He is worth.
If knowing Jesus really has been the greatest, most life-changing thing that’s ever happened to me then why is it so hard to just share it? Why does it feel scary? Why do I worry so much about saying the right thing? Why don’t I just do it?
I really struggled this week with having not yet shared the track (or more importantly, the Gospel) with anyone. How horrible of a Christian I must be? I hadn’t even shared with anyone in the last six weeks! This fear of failure in evangelism has been stealing my joy.
It came to a head this morning. The Lord lead me to Psalm 111 and before I began to read it he said, “Take joy.”
I prayed and confessed my fear of failure. I told Him of my fears that I was lacking in his service. That I wasn’t doing enough. And then he began to speak,
I am the one thing you should be doing…pursuing. Your one thing should be Me…getting deep into the heart of me. Then you will know my great pleasure and delight in you. You are not alone. You are not a failure. Take joy as I take joy in you. Don’t let Satan hold this over you–what does he know? Stand up today for your joy is in My strength.
And I read over and over in Acts 4, how uneducated, common men stood up and spoke with boldness in front of the priests and Sadducees.
And when they had set them in the midst, they inquired, ”By what power or by what name did you do this?” Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them, [...] let it be known to all of you and to all the people of Israel that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead—by him this man is standing before you well. This Jesus is the stone that was rejected by you, the builders, which has become the cornerstone. And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”
Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus. [...]
And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness. Acts 4:7-8, 10-13, 31
Pursue Jesus. Be found in Him. Walk in joy and strength. And He will be the one to give me the words to say.
I don’t take this to mean that God wants to me to have a conversation about the Gospel with every person I meet, but I also don’t take it to mean that my non-verbal testimony should be enough. Our actions should reflect to God, but sometimes we still need words. For me, that means stepping out in the boldness that God provides.
I’m not a failure. I cannot conjure up the right situation or words to share the Gospel. And I surely can’t make someone come to Christ.
But I can be willing and ready to be used. Waiting. Watching. Resting.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
I totally relate to your fears…you put into words how I feel. thanks for sharing year heart and being open and honest.
I have experienced so many of these feelings this week. I did not hand out my track either. Thanks for the reminder that this is not about me.
Girl, I can so relate! I saw your Relevant button…are you coming? I registered today! I would LOVE to meet you! (:
@ Shay & Amanda – Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one who struggles with this!
@Holley – Yes, I’m going to Relevant! Super excited…hope to meet you too!
You are not the only one that struggles with sharing their faith. My life at work is so fast paced some days, I wonder if anything from Christ shines thru. One thing I do know is that satan will try to steal your joy, tell you that you are a failure and that you are not doing enough. I have tried to always keep my focus on what and where Christ wants me to be. Keep Pressing On! As your Daddy would say, “You can do it!”
I promise you that I will probably go the rest of my life without ever handing out a track, and I do not feel bad about it. But I definitely need to be better at heartfelt, honest evangelism, and I hear you on that. Good post!
Thanks, Beth!
Oh the pressure! You are not alone in your fear. It’s common. Everyone isn’t cut from the same evanglism mold! Seriously.
When my hubby and I went to seminary…..I was a little freaked out! I thought for sure that I needed to have every word of the Bible memorized. I couldn’t stand the thought of not knowing what everyone around me was talking about. So, I put myself through the craziest study/bootcamp.
Looking back (maaaaany years later) I see things much differently. I am supposed to be ME. Not a scholar or a professor! My witness is very important….but it can’t be a weird forced thing. The Holy Spirit wants me to be a willing participant…..and I need to do my part in reaching lost with the gospel.
It doesn’t always involve tracts! SWI just wants to give you something to get started with. Many who are at seminary…..aren’t people who have been living the Christian life as a “job”. The program is a great help to embolden you to be a little braver in all you do for Jesus!
Sister……don’t beat yourself up! You’ve got to be YOU! God is working! I can see it just from your post!
Nice meeting you! (I noticed you from the Relevant list)
I definitely appreciate SWI and this class. It’s just awkward for me and an area I definitely need to grow in! By the way, did your husband go to Southern and you SWI?
I think we’ve all been there. I use to make myself go with my church for the very reason that I DID NOT want to do it, but God told me TO DO IT. I, years ago, got in touch with Billy Grahams Ministry and they send me some little booklets. That’s what I started using. I would take a person through that track. Well, let me back up. If I wasn’t with my church doing outreach taking a person through the track. I would give the tracks away to people I came in contact with that I wish I’d had the courage to talk to (people who seemed interested). Then based on that the door would be open (if they accepted the track) for me to bring up the subject of Christ. That’s how I led my own mother to the Lord. She’d grown up very religious and knew way more Scriptures than I, but I knew she wasn’t saved. Whenever I would try talking to her about salvation she would become very defensive and tell me she knew that the Scripture I would quote to her and commence to tell me how old she was when she learned it. So I asked her, one day, if I could leave the track that I’d gotten from Billy Graham with her.
One day she called me excited (after my aunts death) telling me she’d gone through the track and she accepted Christ! She left the church she’d grown up in and began going to the church where my husband and I attended. One day she said she, now, understood what I’d been trying to tell her about her being “religious.” Now she’s experiencing the same thing with her sisters.
I’ve learned (from my Dad and neighbors) that one of the best ways to be a witness for the Lord is how I go about my daily life. So many people have inquired about “my faith” by watching me. 1) My father and 2) many neighbors. That is also the way I’m most comfortable in witnessing. Sad I know, but true. Having someone ask me about HIM.
Jessica, I am right there with you!!! Praying and pursuing and waiting and fearing….And then praying some more that I can do that last thing a little less!!!
Thanks for sharing with such honesty!
-Ashley
*The wives institute is something that I am very excited about!!! I’m glad to hear your thoughts about it!