When Guilt is a Good Thing

I really aim to  be honest and authentic on my blog while maintaining discretion when needed, but can I be honest about something?

Sometimes I don’t finish reading posts that I know will make me feel guilty. I’m not talking about blogs that are telling me I’m not being a wife or mother correctly, or that I need to organize my kitchen this way and pray x,y, and z to be a good Christian.

I’m talking about posts that take faith and make it hit the road. That see the Gospel and the disconnect in our American Christian culture and boldly confront it with action and change.

I love Kristen’s blog (of We are that Family). I love her heart. I love how she challenges her readers. I love how her trip to Africa wasn’t just a trip, but a lifestyle change.

But here’s where I’m getting honest.

Yesterday, when her post There are hungry orphans in Africa. showed up in my Google Reader I got a little uneasy. After I read her warning,

[Warning: There is a faith-put-into-action opportunity at the end of this post. PLEASE do not miss it!]

I closed the tab.

Just being honest. There was a warning. I left. I wasn’t in the “faith-put-into-action” mood. Which really means I wasn’t in the be-like-Jesus mood. I was in the (and still pretty much am) I-want-to-fill-comfortable-and-I-like-my-stuff mood.

Obviously, there are some issues that God is bringing to the surface (they’ve been there awhile) and starting to deal with. It’s like the mini-jungle that half of our garden is…God’s pulling up the weeds and saying, “Let’s till this thing and get something good growing.”

It’s a good guilt. It’s a realization that I’m not doing what I should be, that my heart is not in the place it should be, and that I love stuff more than I love God *gulp* and the people desperate for him.

My hesitation with these things has always been the same…once I open my big mouth and say I’m going to live counter-cultural, reject the American dream, and truly be Jesus to the poor, orphaned, widowed, and helpless there’s no going back. That’s not a declaration you can just  worm your way out of.

That’s the type of thing people hold you to. That’s the k ind of thing that when you stop people point their finger and say, “That’s why I don’t believe in God, because of Christians that are hypocrites.” I don’t want to be an out-spoken hypocrite. I’m already a quiet one. My faith preaches something my life doesn’t.

I’ve tried before and had good intentions, but…

• I don’t write my Compassion child, Pamela, nearly enough. Her picture hangs on our wall as  a reminder to pray and I still don’t.
• I still haven’t submitted my application to the local pregnancy center. It’s been 6 months. But I’m pregnant, right? I mean…how can one pregnant woman help another?
• We have a Voice of the Martyrs map by our dining room table to remind us to pray for the persecuted church when we eat. We haven’t in months. I want to take it down, but I feel guilty.
• At the beginning of the year, I decided that each week whatever money I had left over from the weekly grocery budget I’d spend at Samaritan’s Purse buying formula for infants. That hasn’t happened either.
• Oh…and I’m slightly avoiding finishing the last few chapters of David Platt’s Radical.

But I want all this to change. I want to be the person who doesn’t just believe what she says she believes, but radically lives it. I want to change the world. I want to know Christ.

So this week I’m recommitting myself to these things and I want (and need) you to help keep my accountable. Ask me Friday if I’ve taken the time to put these things in action. If I’ve been giving…praying…submitting an application…rooting out the sin in my own heart.

Ask me.

I want to change.

Oh…and I did read Kristen’s post today and I’m planning a trip to buy some formula today. And you should too.

What about you? Is there something you want to change?

Let’s be Jesus together.

Tagged as: change, Living Intentionally, Radical, sin