Last week I took a mini-break from blogging. I was craving quiet amidst the busyness (and even lack of busyness) in my life. I purposed to get back into a routine of spending some time in solitude with the Lord.
I wasn’t quite sure what this would look like, but He did. To tell you the truth a lot of it had to do with being a perfectionist…or as I like to say, a recovering perfectionist.
A lot.
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Being a perfectionist doesn’t sound like too big of a deal, right? I mean, there’s definitely other sins that are more serious, more deadly, more entangling?
It’s not like substance abuse or adultery or rampant lying? It’s not really even a sin…is it? Just a character flaw, right?
If only it were that simple.
If you’re not one of those people who has labeled themselves a perfectionist you might not understand. Let me give you a little glimpse into the mind of a perfectionist…my mind.
A perfectionist struggles:
I have a really hard time being happy or excited when someone else gets something good. [...] But when I hear someone got a new writing gig or promotion or everyone loves their tweets or they’re the teacher’s pet or they were acknowledged for something I do (maybe I even do it better)…I struggle. (original post)
A perfectionist lives behind self-protection:
Living free is scary. [...] But somewhere inside me I know it’s worth it.
It requires huge vulnerability. An openness that cares nothing for the approval and opinion of man. A purpose that is unswerving. A vision that stays focused. A fight that trudges on through the heaviest battle.
I have been an epic failure in those things. The number one reason why? Most of my life I’ve walked in my own strength and power—which is laughable in contrast to our Mighty God. (original post)
A perfectionist constantly questions:
Am I not good enough? I guess they don’t like me as much? Do I not put myself out there enough? Am I not being “real” enough?
Why did she get that and not me? Why didn’t they reply to my comment? Was it not good enough?
A perfectionist likes control:
…when things don’t go as planned and take longer or, even worse, plans have to change that’s when I step up into full-force striving for perfection. I’ll get the task done. If I don’t have the time, I’ll work faster.
It’s hard to explain, but its almost like I walk around carrying this panicky feeling until things are settled and “as they’re supposed to be.” I’ll rest when everything’s finished. And for me, everything is a continual list of projects, errands, events, daily chores…it doesn’t end.
I strive. I strain. I hold my breath. I want it perfect. (original post)
A perfectionist wants people to know:
I want people to know I’m capable. That I can do it. That I’m not helpless. I don’t want to fail. I don’t want people to see me as a failure. (original post)
A perfectionist has a hard time receiving love:
When you live life aiming for perfection you’re in this constant struggle with Am I good enough? Did I do the right thing? How much farther (or more) until I’ve arrived? You’re never really settled. Always aiming. Always seeking. Always looking to perform.
The thing with love though, real love, is that it’s not based on performance. Tell that to a perfectionist and they have no idea what to do. They live a life based on performing…you’ve removed the floor beneath them and now they’re falling no longer in control. (original post)
A perfectionist isn’t cured overnight:
I’ve been thinking how when Jesus changes you it doesn’t always come with a big bang, splash, or tears. Sometimes it’s a gradual change. (original post)
A perfectionist wants to be free:
But I want to live free. I want to be unbound by fear…to live without the burden of perfection. To accomplish God’s purposes in His power and grace. No more perfection. No more independence. No more fear. (original post)
But in all honesty,
struggling with perfection, apart from the grace of God, is draining, miserable, controlling, and sin.
Stay with me this week as I share what God’s been showing me about embracing grace as a perfectionist.
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I think I seriously identified with every.single.word you wrote! I am such a perfectionist and so OCD about EVERYTHING! It seriously has begun to rule my life!! I know that’s not why God gave me the perfectionistic nature though, and desperately want to reign it in! I look forward to the rest of your series!!
I’ve been talking about this with my husband and he sent me this quote and your comment reminded me of it:
“Nothing is wrong with achievement. You were designed to be an achiever. You were designed for accomplishment. Why? To glorify God.” (W. Oscar Thompson, Jr., Concentric Circles of Concern: Seven Stages for Making Disciples)
I think I have a new mantra!
So glad I read that quote in your comment. I’m anxious to read what else you have to say this week. Thinking of you!
Jessica,
I want to thank you for being so transparent. Eleven years ago my life changed (for the better) before that I was drowning in drug addiction for 20 years. As the Lord was transforming my mind and working on my heart I started to realize that my control issues stemmed from just wanting to be accepted. My fear of rejection took me to very ugly places. Nevertheless, Jessica, I sense you have a Godly man on your side which is so important we have someone there when going through challenges. I appreciate all you wrote, thank oyu.