Rest is coming.

I can tell something is brewing in the heavenlies. Between my own heart’s wrestling with perfection, Sunday’s sermon, Ann’s words on Wednesday, preparing for October’s 31 days of Significance, and the words of these two women on God’s heart and grace for good girls like me…yes, something is brewing.

This doesn’t just happen. There is no coincidence where Providence is concerned. I can tell God is bringing a season of change, renewal…a digging deeper into the depths of my hard to reach heart.

Because this recovering perfectionist, this reluctant sojourner, this “I’ve just got to try harder” girl never rests. I strive, I struggle, I add more to the plate all the while looking for that perfect time when all will be peaceful and well. I wrestle with abiding. I submit and let loose the reins, then slyly pick them up again when I think He’s not looking…because he needs my help, doesn’t he?

I don’t weigh the pros and cons. I don’t sit and think about how grace is free, but the working it out is my part. It just happens. It happens in the way you step into brash waves knowing the red flag flies warning of danger and then, before you know it, you’re sucked out with the tide and lost. It’s like that.

I’m stuck in this just try harder life…in the striving and straining to be seen, heard, accepted…to be found with value, significant. I have been freed from much. And this?

These walls have been crushed farther than you think. I am the prisoner’s guard and no longer the prisoner, but still I am in the prison.

Rest. This I know is coming. It’ll come as I walk with arms wide open…allowing his grace to truly penetrate every crevice of my life. It’ll come as I let go of trying harder and realize I’m already accepted. It’ll come as I give up idols for true worship. It’ll come as I see my significance through His eyes and not my own.

Rest is coming.