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children

Willing

by Jessica on April 30, 2010

in Parenting

A few months after our miscarriage, a group of women gathered together to encourage and lift me up in prayer. Up to this point I had masked my response to losing our baby. I was sad, but only my husband knew how affected I was by it–how it had changed my day-to-day living.

With these women I shared my heart, my emotions, and let the tears flow. It was good to know that I didn’t have to carry the burden of grieving by myself any longer…they were willing to journey with me.

There was one word, in particular, that I remember the strongest. One of the women, a mother who had also lost a child in miscarriage, felt impressed to share the passage in Luke 1 where the angel tells Mary she will bear the Messiah.

At first it seemed an odd Scripture to share, but as she explained it became quite clear how Mary’s situation related to mine.

Willing.

I was willing to be a mom. I was willing to care for this child. I was willing to take a risk. I was willing to raise this child in the fear of the Lord.

God never promised he’d give me the outcome I wanted, but He asked for a willing heart. I was willing to be used by him…as a mother. It was His plan, not mine. His will. His way. His perfection.

And Mary said, “Behold, the bondslave of the Lord; may it be done to me according to your word.”

Luke 1:38

Join me on Monday as I share how I responded to my miscarriage and how God, ultimately, turned it for good.

If you’ve experienced the risk and loss of motherhood, I hope you’ll return tomorrow to hear about a way you can share your experiences to help encourage and heal other women.


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Motherhood & Loss

by Jessica on April 28, 2010

in Parenting

I’ve been thinking a lot about babies lately. I know a lot of women who are pregnant, with newborns, and we’re hoping for another one ourselves. Anytime I think of babies I almost always go back to the time when I first became a mother.

If things had not happened the way they had 2 1/2 years ago I would have a two-year-old.

***********************

I hate when I hear people ask a pregnant women, “Are you excited about becoming a mother?”

A pregnant woman is not waiting to become a mother…she already is. Motherhood, like life, begins at conception. As soon as that child is conceived the mother’s body begins to cultivate and protect that child. Motherhood doesn’t begin when you first hold your baby in your arms. The investment, emotion, and risk begin long before the first wail.

You don’t wait to love your child until they enter the world. You love with the shades of double pink lines, with the loud oceany heartbeat, and the first picture…even if your baby does resemble an alien. You love.

And anytime you love, you risk.

Motherhood is a risk, because there is no guarantee.

There’s no guarantee that your child will be obedient, quiet, a lover of Jesus. There’s no guarantee that they’ll sleep through the night or respect you when you say “no.” There’s no guarantee that they’ll escape the terrible twos or stereotypical teenage years. There’s no guarantee that your child will be successful, smart, or well-mannered. There’s no guarantee that your child will always be safe, always be well.  There’s no guarantee that your child will live longer than you. There’s no guarantee that your child will make it out of the womb alive.

And yet you love.

Motherhood is a risk, because there is so much to lose.

I have loved and I have lost and I have gained and loved again. And this I know for sure…God is good all the time.

Join me over the next week as I share my story and the stories of others who have risked, lost, and loved in motherhood.

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Missing Preschool

by Jessica on March 2, 2010

in children

I was working on my Montessori blog today and it made me miss (some) of the days from teaching preschool. Kids are wonderful…sometimes they make you feel a little crazy and other times they warm your heart.

Looking back…January 2008

We were singing this song in Bible circle today,

I’ve got joy in the Lord,
and He is my strength.
I’ve got joy in the Lord,
and He is my strength.
I’ve got joy in the Lord,
and He is my strength.
I’ve got joy in the Lord,
and He is my strength.
Hallelu, Hallelu,
Praise the Lord!

I turned to the left and heard one of my cute little students singing, “I’ve got joy in the Lord, and He is my stripes.” It was so cute! But that’s true also…in a way. We were healed by His stripes.

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