I’ve shared before how evangelism is not my strong point. It’s just not. I don’t have great stories of how I lead ‘x’ many people to the Lord or those chance encounters in the airport where someone was just “so ready to hear.”
Tonight was the last night for the first half of my Leadership class I’m taking with the Seminary Wives Institute. You know…the class that should have been called Women & Evangelism. The one where we had to hand out a track.
I didn’t do it.
I carried a few around in my wallet the whole six weeks. I saw them every time I was at the store or searching for my chapstick in the abyss that is my purse. They were always there…waiting.
Now, I’m not a fan of tracks. Sure they’re useful, concise, and get the message across. But in general they’re not really personable. And awkward. Here let me walk up to a complete stranger and say, “This little booklet contains the secret to the best thing that ever happened to me. I wanted you to have it. Bye.”
Umm…yeah.
It’s not that I don’t want to share what God has done in my life or see people saved. I struggle with fear and busyness, mostly fear. Will I say the right thing? Will the situation be so awkward they won’t even hear what I’m saying? Will they laugh at me? Will I fail?
That’s the real issue.
When you tell a recovering perfectionist that they need to share the Gospel as a graded assignment things can get a little crazy. Their {my} motivation will be the grade, pleasing the teacher or peers, looking good.
Now for me what makes this even worse is the feeling that I am already an evangelistic failure. I feel like if I don’t preach and share the Gospel then I won’t be following in the Great Commission, and even more disturbing to my heart I fear I won’t be honoring God for what He is worth.
If knowing Jesus really has been the greatest, most life-changing thing that’s ever happened to me then why is it so hard to just share it? Why does it feel scary? Why do I worry so much about saying the right thing? Why don’t I just do it?
I really struggled this week with having not yet shared the track (or more importantly, the Gospel) with anyone. How horrible of a Christian I must be? I hadn’t even shared with anyone in the last six weeks! This fear of failure in evangelism has been stealing my joy.
It came to a head this morning. The Lord lead me to Psalm 111 and before I began to read it he said, “Take joy.”
I prayed and confessed my fear of failure. I told Him of my fears that I was lacking in his service. That I wasn’t doing enough. And then he began to speak,
I am the one thing you should be doing…pursuing. Your one thing should be Me…getting deep into the heart of me. Then you will know my great pleasure and delight in you. You are not alone. You are not a failure. Take joy as I take joy in you. Don’t let Satan hold this over you–what does he know? Stand up today for your joy is in My strength.
And I read over and over in Acts 4, how uneducated, common men stood up and spoke with boldness in front of the priests and Sadducees.
And when they had set them in the midst, they inquired, ”By what power or by what name did you do this?” Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them, [...] let it be known to all of you and to all the people of Israel that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead—by him this man is standing before you well. This Jesus is the stone that was rejected by you, the builders, which has become the cornerstone. And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”
Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus. [...]
And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness. Acts 4:7-8, 10-13, 31
Pursue Jesus. Be found in Him. Walk in joy and strength. And He will be the one to give me the words to say.
I don’t take this to mean that God wants to me to have a conversation about the Gospel with every person I meet, but I also don’t take it to mean that my non-verbal testimony should be enough. Our actions should reflect to God, but sometimes we still need words. For me, that means stepping out in the boldness that God provides.
I’m not a failure. I cannot conjure up the right situation or words to share the Gospel. And I surely can’t make someone come to Christ.
But I can be willing and ready to be used. Waiting. Watching. Resting.
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