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My Confessions

by Jessica on October 20, 2009

in growth

In following with the new season, I’m coming clean. I am a sinner, saved by grace, but…oh, how I struggle.

  • I am a recovering perfectionist.
  • There are days I just want to runaway.
  • In one day I can be on the mountaintop and the next hour I can be in the pit of despair.
  • I flounder between hopeful vision to despairing and desperate.
  • I want to be accepted.
  • I wonder what people think of me…
  • And I’m afraid they won’t like me, so…
  • I try to be perfect, faultless…untouchable.
  • I’m overly insecure.
  • Food and I have a bad relationship.
  • I try to do it all…by myself.
  • Oftentimes I feel completely unaccomplished.

But…I do know the Truth and it has set me free, but more often than I’d like I live in fear not confident and willing to step out and live as and who God made me. It feels shaky. Dangerous.

If I really did the things God called me to do…if I really lived as he designed me I’d be taking huge risks! People might not like me. They could think I’m really weird.

Living free is scary.

But somewhere inside me I know it’s worth it. Even the logical side of me says it’s worth it. But still I struggle. Still I fear. Is it really worth the risk?

But I know it is. I know it is.

by Reza Vaziri

Why? Because God is good and God is real and God is worth it.

What I’m talking about isn’t just the regular things we contribute to living as Christ-followers, like prayer, evangelism, living pure and holy lives, etc. All those things are a must and fuel this, but what is scary for me are those specific things God has called me to do…that He has spoken over my life. To be the woman God has designed me is scary.

Why?

It requires huge vulnerability. An openness that cares nothing for the approval and opinion of man. A purpose that is unswerving. A vision that stays focused. A fight that trudges on through the heaviest battle.

I have been an epic failure in those things. The number one reason why? Most of my life I’ve walked in my own strength and power—which is laughable in contrast to our Mighty God.

But I want to live free. I want to be unbound by fear…to live without the burden of perfection. To accomplish God’s purposes in His power and grace. No more perfection. No more independence. No more fear.

This is a new season.

And this is who I am.

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I am…

by Jessica on August 29, 2006

in Uncategorized

- uniquely designed – open hearted – pleasing to God – deep desire to follow Him – free-spirited – thoughtful – carefree – solid/stability – standing firm – molded for a specific call, a specific ministry since girlhood – wisdom of the ages – wise beyond her years – created to bring joy and fund to those around – joyful – happy-go-lucky – adventuresome – bold – fearless – diligent – bringer of joy – healer – His brightness shines all around you – inner joy – minister of freedom – spreads God’s love like butter on dry toast – sanctified n – a valuable ruby, much refining and precious cutting resulting in a display of God’s beauty for the world to see – open heart – willing spirit – brave – eager for more of God – contentment – peaceful – helpful – humble – tenderness – gentle – God’s prize possession – fun-loving – wisdom beyond her years – smart – “joy of the Lord is in her,” this is your strength – servant/servant’s heart – He has made you to be courageous – your hands will be used mightily as a strong, powerful, fierce, woman warrior – joyful – contagious joy – peace – comforter to others – full of the Father’s hope – confident – secure in following God’s desires, ways – this joy comes from her faith and security in Him – faithful – great things in Your name done through her – bold – passionate – tender – marching forward – hard-working – perseverer – strong – suited for war – warrior – advance the good news – mercy – compassion – prayer warrior – woman of truth – servant of the young – playful spirit – peaceful soul – faithful – humble – goes with the flow easily – lover of God – wants to please Him – dancer – worshiper – compassionate toward others – caring – striver of purity – passionate – compassionate – companion – gentle spirit – deep thinker – discerning – loyal – trustworthy – bold and beautiful heart – a large heart so full it’s overflowing with His love and I can’t contain it. It spills over to any I come in contact with and all are being covered with His love. – mentor of women – restorer of women – life giver – tender – compassionate – loving – full of joy – bold and confident – amazed at the things of God – worshiper – “Sound of Music,” field of flowers – beautiful free spirit – sun shining on me – a spirit of warmth – compassion – unassuming – reaching up to God for his revelation in your life – desire to be obedient to your “daddy” – confidence – sharing your life with others – fervent prayer – walk in joy – I bring a ray of sunshine & splash of life to others -

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