Posts tagged as:

perfectionist

Understanding God’s Perspective

by Jessica on September 28, 2010

in Living Authentically

Disclaimer: I don’t pretend to know intimately the mind of God, but I do know that what He says in his Word is true.

A perfectionist asks many questions,

Am I good enough? Did I do the right thing? How much farther (or more) until I’ve arrived?

Do they like me? Do I not put myself out there enough? Am I not being “real” enough?

Why did she get that and not me? Why didn’t they reply to my comment? Was it not good enough?

What should I change? How could I get people to notice me more? What about acknowledging me?

But what all of these really boil down to is,

What about me?

A perfectionist longs to know how they measure up to the next person. They desperately want to know that they’re good enough. That they’ve been acknowledged…seen.

At the heart of it, a perfectionist isn’t only asking these questions to themselves, but to God.

It may be just a mumble or a down-on-your-knees pleading, but a perfectionist really wants to know if they’re better than the next person.

In all honesty, I’ve struggled with knowing that God made me unique with a specific purpose and loves me, but he made the next person unique with a specific purpose and loves them too.

I ask myself, so what does that say about me?

If all of God’s children are unique, loved, and created for an everlasting purpose, then…how am I special?

We can’t all be the same kind of special, can we?

There’s got to be some level of specialness, right?

(Seriously…that’s the mind of a perfectionist for you.)

Now, just what does it mean to be “special”?

To be “distinguished by some unusual quality,” to be “in some way superior,” ”held in particular esteem, readily distinguishable from others of the same category, being other than the usual, designed for a particular purpose or occasion.” (definition)

But what does God say?

…God shows no partiality. Romans 2:11

…the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. There is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through redemption that is in Christ Jesus. Romans 3:22-24

It’s clear what God thinks, isn’t it?

No partiality.

No distinction.

All grace.

There is no favoritism. There is no “more special” position. We are all his children deeply and equally loved and showered with affection.

It’s like when Peter pesters Jesus with “What about him?” Jesus’ response is,

“What is that to you? You follow me!”

(John 21:21-22)

He says the same to us…follow Him. Don’t look forward. Don’t look back. Don’t side to side. Just follow him.

The goal is Jesus not climbing the totem pole.

photo credit

Tagged as: authentic, Embracing Grace, perfectionist, recovering perfectionist

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Inside the Mind of a Perfectionist

by Jessica on September 26, 2010

in Living Authentically

Last week I took a mini-break from blogging. I was craving quiet amidst the busyness (and even lack of busyness) in my life. I purposed to get back into a routine of spending some time in solitude with the Lord.

I wasn’t quite sure what this would look like, but He did. To tell you the truth a lot of it had to do with being a perfectionist…or as I like to say, a recovering perfectionist.

A lot.

*****************

Being a perfectionist doesn’t sound like too big of a deal, right? I mean, there’s definitely other sins that are more serious, more deadly, more entangling?

It’s not like substance abuse or adultery or rampant lying? It’s not really even a sin…is it? Just a character flaw, right?

If only it were that simple.

If you’re not one of those people who has labeled themselves a perfectionist you might not understand. Let me give you a little glimpse into the mind of a perfectionist…my mind.

A perfectionist struggles:

I have a really hard time being happy or excited when someone else gets something good. [...] But when I hear someone got a new writing gig or promotion or everyone loves their tweets or they’re the teacher’s pet or they were acknowledged for something I do (maybe I even do it better)…I struggle. (original post)

A perfectionist lives behind self-protection:

Living free is scary. [...] But somewhere inside me I know it’s worth it.

It requires huge vulnerability. An openness that cares nothing for the approval and opinion of man. A purpose that is unswerving. A vision that stays focused. A fight that trudges on through the heaviest battle.

I have been an epic failure in those things. The number one reason why? Most of my life I’ve walked in my own strength and power—which is laughable in contrast to our Mighty God. (original post)

A perfectionist constantly questions:

Am I not good enough? I guess they don’t like me as much? Do I not put myself out there enough? Am I not being “real” enough?

Why did she get that and not me? Why didn’t they reply to my comment? Was it not good enough?

A perfectionist likes control:

…when things don’t go as planned and take longer or, even worse, plans have to change that’s when I step up into full-force striving for perfection. I’ll get the task done. If I don’t have the time, I’ll work faster.

It’s hard to explain, but its almost like I walk around carrying this panicky feeling until things are settled and “as they’re supposed to be.” I’ll rest when everything’s finished. And for me, everything is a continual list of projects, errands, events, daily chores…it doesn’t end.

I strive. I strain. I hold my breath. I want it perfect. (original post)

A perfectionist wants people to know:

I want people to know I’m capable. That I can do it. That I’m not helpless. I don’t want to fail. I don’t want people to see me as a failure. (original post)

A perfectionist has a hard time receiving love:

When you live life aiming for perfection you’re in this constant struggle with Am I good enough? Did I do the right thing? How much farther (or more) until I’ve arrived? You’re never really settled. Always aiming. Always seeking. Always looking to perform.

The thing with love though, real love, is that it’s not based on performance. Tell that to a perfectionist and they have no idea what to do. They live a life based on performing…you’ve removed the floor beneath them and now they’re falling no longer in control. (original post)

A perfectionist isn’t cured overnight:

I’ve been thinking how when Jesus changes you it doesn’t always come with a big bang, splash, or tears. Sometimes it’s a gradual change. (original post)

A perfectionist wants to be free:

But I want to live free. I want to be unbound by fear…to live without the burden of perfection. To accomplish God’s purposes in His power and grace. No more perfection. No more independence. No more fear. (original post)

But in all honesty,

struggling with perfection, apart from the grace of God, is draining, miserable, controlling, and sin.

Stay with me this week as I share what God’s been showing me about embracing grace as a perfectionist.

Tagged as: authentic, Embracing Grace, perfectionist, recovering perfectionist

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Feeling like an Evangelistic Failure

by Jessica on March 4, 2010

in Living Intentionally

I’ve shared before how evangelism is not my strong point. It’s just not. I don’t have great stories of how I lead ‘x’ many people to the Lord or those chance encounters in the airport where someone was just “so ready to hear.”

Tonight was the last night for the first half of my Leadership class I’m taking with the Seminary Wives Institute. You know…the class that should have been called Women & Evangelism. The one where we had to hand out a track.

I didn’t do it.

I carried a few around in my wallet the whole six weeks. I saw them every time I was at the store or searching for my chapstick in the abyss that is my purse. They were always there…waiting.

Now, I’m not a fan of tracks. Sure they’re useful, concise, and get the message across. But in general they’re not really personable. And awkward. Here let me walk up to a complete stranger and say, “This little booklet contains the secret to the best thing that ever happened to me. I wanted you to have it. Bye.”

Umm…yeah.

It’s not that I don’t want to share what God has done in my life or see people saved. I struggle with fear and busyness, mostly fear. Will I say the right thing? Will the situation be so awkward they won’t even hear what I’m saying? Will they laugh at me? Will I fail?

That’s the real issue.

When you tell a recovering perfectionist that they need to share the Gospel as a graded assignment things can get a little crazy. Their {my} motivation will be the grade, pleasing the teacher or peers, looking good.

Now for me what makes this even worse is the feeling that I am already an evangelistic failure. I feel like if I don’t preach and share the Gospel then I won’t be following in the Great Commission, and even more disturbing to my heart I fear I won’t be honoring God for what He is worth.

If knowing Jesus really has been the greatest, most life-changing thing that’s ever happened to me then why is it so hard to just share it? Why does it feel scary? Why do I worry so much about saying the right thing? Why don’t I just do it?

I really struggled this week with having not yet shared the track (or more importantly, the Gospel) with anyone. How horrible of a Christian I must be? I hadn’t even shared with anyone in the last six weeks! This fear of failure in evangelism has been stealing my joy.

It came to a head this morning. The Lord lead me to Psalm 111 and before I began to read it he said, “Take joy.”

I prayed and confessed my fear of failure. I told Him of my fears that I was lacking in his service. That I wasn’t doing enough. And then he began to speak,

I am the one thing you should be doing…pursuing. Your one thing should be Me…getting deep into the heart of me. Then you will know my great pleasure and delight in you. You are not alone. You are not a failure. Take joy as I take joy in you. Don’t let Satan hold this over you–what does he know? Stand up today for your joy is in My strength.

And I read over and over in Acts 4, how uneducated, common men stood up and spoke with boldness in front of the priests and Sadducees.

And when they had set them in the midst, they inquired, ”By what power or by what name did you do this?” Then Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, said to them, [...] let it be known to all of you and to all the people of Israel that by the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, whom you crucified, whom God raised from the dead—by him this man is standing before you well. This Jesus is the stone that was rejected by you, the builders, which has become the cornerstone. And there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”

Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished. And they recognized that they had been with Jesus. [...]

And when they had prayed, the place in which they were gathered together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with boldness. Acts 4:7-8, 10-13, 31

Pursue Jesus. Be found in Him. Walk in joy and strength. And He will be the one to give me the words to say.

I don’t take this to mean that God wants to me to have a conversation about the Gospel with every person I meet, but I also don’t take it to mean that my non-verbal testimony should be enough. Our actions should reflect to God, but sometimes we still need words. For me, that means stepping out in the boldness that God provides.

I’m not a failure. I cannot conjure up the right situation or words to share the Gospel. And I surely can’t make someone come to Christ.

But I can be willing and ready to be used. Waiting. Watching. Resting.